


'Worth It'

by Nyxysabyss



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Post-Canon, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 23:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16251857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxysabyss/pseuds/Nyxysabyss
Summary: Shouyou can remember even now how deep her conviction had been, even through the earpiece of his phone.While Shouyou knows the future is an open question, he also knows time locks the past forever, and he can't change the things that have happened. But he can't be upset with how things have turned out, because she was right.





	'Worth It'

_Grief consists of two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life. ~Anne Roiphe_

 

“Miku, come back here. We need to get ready so we can go,” **Shouyou** says.

A wry smile tugs at his mouth as he wrestles the little girl into a pair of tights under her winter dress. She squeals and scrambles away from him with a vibrant grin.

She climbs to her feet and is off, hauling out of the room and down the hall with a screech. Her bright almond eyes track him behind her as he gets up to follow, her little limbs spasming when she sees his pursuit. She’s so focused on him that she nearly runs smack into Tobio’s knees as he steps out of their room headed for the shower in nothing more than his pajama pants.

Before Miku can trip over his feet, Tobio swiftly catches her by the back of her dress and lifts her clean off the floor with one hand. He sweeps her up to eye level, and Miku’s screech stutters with surprise and becomes piercing.

“Oy, you’ll wake the neighbors,” he grumbles at her with a scowl and she cuts off in a fit of agitated giggles, her hands clamping over her mouth. Shouyou swallows and recalls his own focus, because even slouching like this, the way he holds Miku with one arm makes Tobio’s chest and abs still flex in a way that Shouyou _quite_ appreciates.

He shakes his head— for being half-asleep like he is, Shouyou has to give Tobio props.

 _Dad reflexes, indeed_ , he thinks as he smiles at the way Tobio’s groggy blue eyes zero in on Miku with mock annoyance.

“How do you have this much energy this early in the morning? Do you need a bath?” Tobio asks, and she shakes her head and squawks as he reaches for her with his free hand.

“I already took a bath, Tou-san,” she giggles, her little arms and legs flailing.

Her efforts make no difference when Tobio snags one of her small wrists in his, her entire hand disappearing in his larger one, until only the tips of her fingers are visible by his thumb. He suspends her by that arm, letting her back to the floor as Shouyou reaches them.

“So what, then? Should I wrap you up like a burrito and stick you to the wall?”

“Nooo, Tou-san,” she squeals, and all six years and thirty five pounds of her tugs out of his grasp before taking off again.

Shouyou laughs, Tobio’s threat still as amusing as it was when Miku first started walking. Seeing Tobio interact with Miku like this makes him melt as much as it did the first time, and he leans in to plant a quick peck on his cheek.

“Good morning,” he says.

“You fed her already,” Tobio says flatly, and Shouyou smirks.

“She’d have been cranky if I hadn’t; besides, you’re the one who slept in. Go take your shower, I’ll have food ready by the time you get out and dressed.”

Tobio pulls him back in for one more lingering kiss before continuing with his morning routine, and Shouyou smiles as he steps back into the kitchen. The small pot with water is still set to low, so he quickly turns it back up and adds nori for miso. He turns the rice back on to make sure it’s hot, and quickly chops some scallions, cabbage, and cress. He adds the miso and scallions to the quickly simmering water in the pot, puts the steaming rice in a bowl, and adds shoyu and mirin for flavor.

A tug on his pants draws his attention, a raw egg expertly paused mid swing where he’s about to crack it. He looks down at Miku who’s holding one of her favorite nendoroid figures.

“Otou-chan, can Miku come with?” She asks, her little Miku Hatsune vocaloid figure hopefully clasped in her hands, and automatically slipping into more formality because she wants something. Shouyou wryly muses on her unsettling grasp of parental manipulation despite being only six, and squats down to her level.

“Only if you pick her a friend and they stay in your bag while we’re on the small trains,” he says with a smile and carefully takes the nendoroid from her, “but I heard the shower go off. Can you go get Tobio and tell him it’s time to eat? I’ll keep Miku right here, okay?”

She nods happily and scampers off, her bright orange pigtails already needing to be redone.

“Tou-san, it’s time to eat,” she calls, and he can’t keep the grin off his face. He cracks the egg over the rice and tops it with furikake— and jolts.

“Gah, I forgot the fish!”

He hastily snags it from the fridge, and in a bid for any readily hot surface, pours the miso from it’s pot into a bowl, and drops the fish into it to flash fry as he hears Miku chattering in the next room over.  

“—Tou-chan and I already ate breakfast, so you’re the only one left.”

“Is that so? Tamago kake again?” Tobio asks as he walks in, and Shouyou spins on him, fish balanced on a spatula.

“Oy, if you’re—”

“If you’re just gonna complain, you can make it yourself next time.”

Shouyou pauses, his eyes darting to Miku where she looks between them, proud of knowing the answer, and even more proud to supply it in an almost perfect rendition of himself. He blinks before finding Tobio again. Tobio stares back at him, a brow arched imperiously.

And then Shouyou nearly loses the fish off the spatula as he starts laughing.

“It’s not that funny, idiot,” Tobio grumbles as he sits for breakfast, but his mouth is twitching and it only makes Shouyou laugh harder.

“That is _hilarious_ ,” he grins, managing to offload the fish on top of the rice without it meeting the floor. He places both the miso and rice before Tobio as he looks at Miku who watches them curiously.

“A ‘parental indicator’ is what it is,” Tobio mutters. Shouyou elbows him in the arm, his smile still radiant.

“Was funny and you know it.”

“Tou-san, what’s an ‘ndikater’?”

“You are,” Tobio grouses, and Shouyou laughs again before dropping beside him and tugging Miku into his lap.

“Come here munchkin, we have to fix your hair again. Can’t have you looking all bedraggled to go see your mother, can we?”

Miku readily submits; Shouyou smiles slightly, because she's a sucker for head and back scritches. They're like an ’off’ button for her, a sure fire way to secure a few peaceful moments.

“Tou-chan? Will we be taking the train today?”

Shouyou blinks, lagging through her question, and it’s Tobio that saves him from having to answer, albeit with a mouth full of food. Shouyou wryly rues the future manner lessons.

“Mm. We hafta take three trains t’ get there.”

Any annoyance he feels is easily brushed aside when Miku turns her attention on Tobio, though, and she continues chattering happily about getting to take trains. Shouyou offers him a grateful glance as he sets to retying Miku’s pigtails.

He’s been half-distracted all morning, and Miku isn’t young enough to miss it all anymore. She’d asked if he was mad earlier when he’d been too quiet through her bath, and he’d had to try and recover with a false smile he’d hoped _seemed_ genuine. He’d offered her some half-baked excuse about thinking she was old enough to start showering by herself, now that she was six and all.

Shouyou finishes her other pigtail, and while he’s got her in his grasp, he sprawls out until he can just reach her shoes over the edge of the genkan. She squeals when she sees his intent, and his arm around her tightens as she tries to escape with a laughing shriek. He snags her shoes and straightens as her struggle turns earnest, and the giggles die. Slipping a leg across her belly and trapping her with his weight, he frees up both hands to put her shoes on.

“Tou-chan, why do I need shoes,” she half whines, and Shouyou taps her nose.

“Because it’s cold out.” Her face sours a bit more.

“I don’t want them,” she says petulantly, a scowl crinkling her face that reminds him _just so_ of the man beside him.

“Miku.”

Tobio’s rebuke is immediate and it has the desired effect. Miku goes silent and compliant even if a little sullen, a frown that’s just like Tobio’s accenting her pout. Shouyou has to hold back his smile; Tobio has _the best_ ‘Dad’ voice.

He finishes putting Miku’s shoes on, and Tobio nods at him, his hand holding the chopsticks gesturing toward him.

“You going like that?”

Shouyou blinks and looks down, having completely forgotten that he’s still in his T-shirt and shorts from when he got up. It’s a leftover habit from having a small child at home— they’d learned early on that if one had _any_ clothes on with a kid under four, they wouldn’t stay clean for any length of time. That had very quickly led to changing for the day literally right before they left the apartment.

“Ah! Can you run dishes? I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

Tobio nods, readily tagging in for ‘Dad’ duty, and having Miku help him bring the dishes to the sink. Shouyou hurries to shower and change, and by the time he stumbles back toward the genkan, Tobio’s helping Miku into her coat. Her smile is nearly back in place after her sulk earlier.

“Your arm disappeared, where’d it go” he teases quietly before fishing it out of her sleeve. “Found it.”

Tobio sees him coming and straightens up to grab his coat for him, too. Shouyou slips it on and then his shoes, and when he looks up, a scarf is wrapped around him. He blinks up into intense blue eyes— the same ones he fell in love with so long ago.

Tobio is surprisingly thoughtful and sweet in little ways, despite being awkward and socially rough around the edges.

“Ready?”

Shouyou nods and Tobio hoists a backpack that undoubtedly holds all sorts of ‘kid distraction’ devices and probably a few ‘kid’ snacks, and probably even a change of ‘kid clothes’, and holds out a hand that Shouyou readily takes.

“Alright Munchkin, let’s go.”

Miku heads to the door, and strains to pull it open. She gets it started, and then Tobio’s large hand finishes it. Miku bounces out ahead of them, her own little backpack jostling back and forth. The walk to the station is brisk and uneventful; they only need to call Miku back once from a crosswalk, and she dutifully falls in beside them to be picked up once they get to the platforms.

Their first train is a quick one, ten minutes to transfer to the larger shinkansen station, one that Miku spends in Shouyou’s arms, her big perfect almond eyes always watching everything. Their next is a bullet train, and two hours to their next stop where they’ll catch a twenty minute regional to a town outside Sendai.

They’re going back home for the first time in several months, and his stomach twists; going back to see Miku’s mom is always stressful.

Once they are settled on the Yamabiko bullet train, Tobio produces both their sets of earbuds, and Shouyou breathes a grateful sigh, because this trip will always go faster with music. Miku pulls out her nendoroid figures— the kid is getting sneaky, because she’s brought her Miku figure _two_ friends, not just one like Shouyou’d said. Her attention span is literally that of a six year old, though, and with an hour and a half left, she turns to them for entertainment.

Shouyou plays a game of ‘I-spy’ outside the window with her until it becomes repetitive, before Tobio mercifully pulls out a coloring book from the big backpack. He’s glad Tobio is on the ball this morning, because he hadn’t even thought about it.

Miku grins happily, grabs a crayon, and reaches up to pull one of Tobio’s earbuds out and jam it into her own ear. Tobio hastily flips playlists with a scowl, and Shouyou smirks, sure he’d just been listening to something a little less kid appropriate. They both take turns coloring with Miku until she simply sets her crayons down and watches them do it instead.

When she goes limp in Tobio’s lap with a half-hour left, out like a light, Shouyou wonders if Tobio intentionally turned something ambient on. Shouyou idly worries about messing with her sleep patterns, but hopes the busy day will make it so it doesn’t matter either way.

And he might be a little reluctant disturb the adorable image of Tobio carefully holding her against his chest despite being half out of it himself, crayons and book abandoned on the table in front of him, head tilted back against the seat, and eyes closed.

Becoming parents hadn’t been something either of them had planned on— and not something they thought they’d be good at in any case. But damn if Shouyou doesn’t think Tobio makes one of the best dads in all of Japan.

They get off, and Tobio gently hoists Miku on his hip, still crashed out with her head and arm flopped on his shoulder. Shouyou can’t help himself and yanks out his phone to take a photo. Tobio just rolls his eyes and starts away from him.

They get on their next train, and Miku wakes when the voice announcing stations comes across loud enough to invade her subconscious. Her face crinkles unhappily, and clingy as she is after just waking up, she reaches for Shouyou. He takes her, and she curls into his neck, her little arm almost strangling him across his adam’s apple. He catches Tobio watching him with the smallest smile and arches a brow at him, wondering if Miku is drooling all over him or something. He’s spared from having to ask when Tobio leans in until his lips are right against his ear.

“You make me want to pawn the munchkin off on my mom for a night to ourselves.” Shouyou’s eyes widen and he glances up at the intense blue gaze boring into him.

“Kageyama,” he hisses. He can’t hold that ardent look long and quickly finds the floor, feeling his face flush. And then— his mouth quirks in spite of himself.

“Why’s that?” Shouyou asks challengingly, daring Tobio to elaborate in the middle of this crowded train car.

Shouyou is very quickly reminded that he’s occasionally not very smart, because Tobio _dares_.

“Because I remember what you looked like when you got up this morning, and a shower is a poor solution—”

Shouyou slaps one hand over Tobio’s mouth, his face on _fire_. Seriously, when will he ever learn? Kageyama doesn’t care a wit about the people around them, never has. He’s always been painfully blunt, and torturously oblivious to social faux pas. But Tobio pries his hand away and pulls him in close again.

“And watching you handle Miku reminds me all over again how awesome you are. You’re completely red,” he finishes, the last seeming like an afterthought.

“That’s your fault,” Shouyou chides, but it lacks none of its bite, because Shouyou is five-hundred percent dead with that admission.

Kageyama’s killer skill isn’t actually being a genius setter for the Japan National team like everyone thinks. It’s actually saying super nice things on hard days like this. And maybe being awesome in bed… but no one else has to know about that part. Tobio just huffs through his nose and places a solid kiss to his temple.

By the time they reach their destination— Karasuno— Miku’s fully awake again, and squirms to be put down. Tobio walks beside him, hands in pockets as they leave the station, breath fogging slightly in the cold air, and strides scaled to match Shouyou, who matches Miku.

“Where are we going, Tou-chan?”

“We’re going to see your mother, remember?” Shouyou says, his gut twisting on him, and he can’t quite bring himself to smile at her.

“Is it far?”

“Not far now. We’re almost there.”

He can see the entrance ahead, the tori gate sporting a recent coat of paint. Shouyou wonders how many more years it will take before reality actually sets in for Miku as they pass under the gate to be greeted by row upon row of stones. As they enter the cemetery, his mouth presses into a thin line, and he wonders when she’ll understand that she’ll never get to really _meet_ her mother.

Shouyou must look upset, because Miku stays quiet this year as they walk the hill to the right row. They turn down it and when the grave comes into sight, Shouyou smiles just a touch, because there are fresh flowers and incense burning for her; someone has already been here today. As he comes to stand in front of it, his former last name stares back at him: Hinata.

And along the side next to the names of ancestors he doesn’t remember, two grandparents, and his father’s— is that of his sister: Natsu. He swallows, his throat closing up on him.

“Need a moment?” Tobio asks quietly, and Shouyou shrugs with one shoulder, unwilling to trust his voice.

It’s been six years… and it never gets any easier to reconcile that she’s gone. Tobio squeezes his arm and takes Miku’s hand.

“Come on Munchkin, let’s find a place to sit so we can feed you. I brought senbei.”

“Did you bring the pepper ones, Otou-san?” Miku asks, her exuberance mellowed with formality under the weight of the air around them, and Tobio nods as he walks her off.

“The last couple black pepper ones. You’ll have to come with me next time I go to Senso-ji temple to stock up and help me carry them back home.”

“What’s ‘stock up’?”

“Refill, or get more,” Tobio patiently explains, and Shouyou looks back at Natsu’s grave as their voices recede with a small smile despite the sorrow that twists his insides.

 _Ano...good morning, Natsu. Gomen, I know it's been forever,_ he mentally whispers to her spirit.

_Natsu Hinata._

The white kanji etched into his family grave that spell out her name feel silent, cold, and rigid. Natsu had been joyous and bubbly, whimsical and free spirited. She’d been so full of life, and her stone always feels wrong to him.

It doesn’t tell how he could make her laugh so hard she’d pee her pants as a kid. It doesn’t hint about how she’d kept a list of all the places in the world she’d wanted to see, or how she'd struggled with classes she’d found boring like Shouyou had. And it doesn’t so much as whisper about the battle she’d fought at the end.

Natsu’s pregnancy had been difficult from the start. When she’d first called Shouyou with the news, she’d still been stomaching fierce morning sickness that frequently left her _losing_ weight instead of gaining. It had taken four months to subside, during which Shouyou didn’t think she’d ever looked more miserable.

Everyone had been happy to see it go, and for a couple months, Natsu’d become everything everyone said an expectant mother was. She'd smiled constantly, fondly ran a hand over her belly as she started to show, laughed at their horror for her bizarre food craving combinations (seriously, pickles and ice cream?), and blissfully got lost in baby preparation. For two months, Natsu'd done that thing they said all mothers did— she'd glowed.

It wouldn't last.

Shouyou remembers as clear as the day it happened how she'd called him in a panic when she'd started to bleed. He'd been at practice with Tobio, had taken a quick water break, and found six missed calls on his phone and a hysterical message from her he could barely understand.

_Shouyou, something’s wrong, please call me back— I don't— Nee-san, I’m scared, I don't know what to do—_

Shouyou hadn't even listened to the whole thing before he was calling her phone. When she'd told him, he’d felt his gut drop. All it took was one look, and Tobio had told him to go, that he'd talk to the coach. He’d met her at the clinic, and he’ll never forget her tears of relief when the ultrasound had still picked up the second little heartbeat; the baby was still there.

But the bleeding was a problem, and she'd been restricted to minimal exertion and later, bed rest for the last month. She'd nearly gone crazy.

Natsu was fiercely independent, and suddenly being forced to rely on others so she didn't have to do anything strenuous or leave her Tokyo apartment had been torture for her. It had made her moody and sullen, and Shouyou won't lie, there were days where he'd poked his head inside with food, and after a terse word from her, would leave it on the table and head right back out with a chipper ‘well I have a lot to do tonight, gotta go! I'll see you tomorrow’.

As if that weren’t enough, she’d become increasingly insecure and self conscious as she'd become large enough to almost have her own orbit— seriously, Natsu was tiny, how could her little body have stretched that much? If he’d had little idea how to deal with a stir crazy sister, he had absolutely _zero_ idea on how to tell his sister she wasn’t fat when he was pretty sure she wouldn’t even fit into one of Ushijima’s shirts anymore.

They’d all been looking forward to the day she went into labor, because it would be the end of her struggle. He and Tobio were in the middle of another practice when the call finally came through (he'd left his phone on loud at the edge of the gym this time; he didn't think his own heart could stand another panicked call from Natsu, thank you very much) that she’d been admitted for labor.

But it seemed the gods weren’t done yet: Miku had been breech.

In the middle of Natsu’s contractions, they’d rushed her to the operating room to deliver cesarean, a bid to give the child a better chance. They’d put Natsu under, opened her up, and delivered a screaming, healthy girl.

And then everything went wrong.

The cesarean delivery triggered a massive DIC clotting reaction throughout Natsu’s body, blocking blood flow across organs, muscles, the incision alike. The doctors had done everything they could, but at the end of the day, Natsu’s liver and kidneys had both shut down. If it had been just one or the other, they might have been able to stabilize her, but with both major organs down, all of her other systems started following them.

She’d come out of surgery long enough to meet her daughter, and she’d passed away three days after Miku’s birth, aided into a painless sleep with medication and the heart wrenching promise she’d extracted from them that they’d take care of her.

For an almost routine procedure in a first world country, it had seemed impossible she could die of something like complications from childbirth, and yet… she had.

Shouyou doesn’t think anyone’s death had ever hit him the way Natsu’s had. In an instant he’d lost his kid sister, the blink of an eye, become an only child. It felt like losing a piece of his soul, and the Obon festival held across the country every year in late summer had gained a completely new significance.

Shouyou quickly scrubs away a rogue tear and sighs just the smallest bit. It's been six years. he’s used to the pain by now, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever quite get over his baby sister’s death.

On top of the harrowing sorrow of losing her, suddenly being responsible for a three day old infant had been the biggest curve ball they’d ever been dealt. Neither he nor Tobio had ever planned on being parents, were so woefully unprepared with schedules completely impossible for child rearing, they’d had no business raising a baby. But Natsu, his sweet spitfire sister, had said she’d believed in them and wanted them to take her… so they had risen to her final challenge.

They'd moved all the baby stuff into their apartment, each soaked in painful memories of how Natsu'd picked all of it out. They’d learned how to care for an infant— from feeding, to diaper changing, to bathing, to burping. They got up at unholy hours when she cried, and fell back asleep in the living room chair for fear of waking her again if they so much as twitched. They made time to bring her in for checkups. They split duties between taking care of Miku and doing dinner; hell, they started regularly doing household chores for the first time.

They’d worked out a schedule they could manage with the international team (thank _god_ the coaches had been understanding). They’d been fortunate that most of the major international tournaments were over for the year before Miku was born. On days they _had_ to travel, they’d arranged for someone to care for her, usually one of their moms.

They’d turned their lives upside down to make it all happen.

None of it had prepared them for how exhausting and all consuming it would be. They were some of the fittest people in the country, and yet, they’d never been more dead on their feet by the time they went to bed with the one hope of getting a few hours’ sleep. Neither of them had ever had a priority that trumped volleyball before Miku, and suddenly, the one thing they both lived for had had to take second place.

It hadn’t been hard to make the switch.

Shouyou’s mouth twitches, and he drops beside the stone with her name on it and leans his back against it. He know _s_ it's improper, but even if it is cold and rigid, he still feels, maybe, just a bit closer to her.

_Dear Sister in heaven, I hope you are content._

_You should be impressed; we’ve managed to keep Miku alive another year. Just last week, Tobio snagged her by the arm of her coat when she lost her footing on the edge of the canal that runs by our apartment and kept her from falling in. And I’ve had to learn to cook other things because she’s decided to be picky with certain foods now. She’s turning into a princess._

_Although ever since she came back from Bokuto and Akaashi’s, she laughs and tells us she has ‘frogs’ every time she farts. We were in a Maruetsu yesterday and she let one go and laughed and yelled 'frogs!’ in front of everyone. We are out of ideas on how to fix that one. It’s almost as bad as the time she came back from Tsukishima and Kuroo’s calling spoons and forks by the wrong name._

_I can’t promise she’ll grow up to be the perfect daughter you dreamed of, but she’s still absolutely adorable._

_She gets so goofy excited when I walk in the door— she jumps on me just like you used to. And I think she's going to want to travel like you did, too; she never complains about going somewhere and gets this happy smile about taking trains to see new places. She keeps getting more like you everyday, it’s like seeing a phantom sometimes._

_You made one heck of a cute kid Natsu. I hope you can see her where you are._

What he wouldn’t give to have his sister back just one more day— even if all she did was harass him like she had as a kid. But while he knows the future is an open question, he also knows time locks the past forever, and he can't change the things that have happened. So he'll settle for this, and make a point to return here every year and tell her about all of Miku’s new quirks or her latest schemes that get her into trouble.

Shouyou can hear Tobio and Miku start moving around and talking more, and he knows snack time is probably over. He listens with half an ear to Tobio's quiet instructions and Miku's bubbly responses.

“We can pop a ball around later— when we get to Oba-chan’s.”

“Why not here? There’s no one we can make mad.”

“No. This isn’t a good place for it. The stones are too close together. And it’s disrespectful.”

Shouyou smirks just a touch at how the social faux pas is the _second_ reason; the spacing issue _would_ be the bigger problem to Tobio. Shouyou almost wants to suggest they go to the cemetery entrance where there’s more room and would be acceptable, but he knows Tobio will rebuff the offer as long as Shouyou remains here.

“Then can we dance?” Shouyou blinks, because this is new.

“ _Dance_?”

Shouyou can hear the distaste in Tobio’s uncertain echo.

“Niko-chan is doing dance. Can I do dance?”

“Why would you want to do dance,” Tobio asks, and Shouyou can just imagine the frown on his face by the way his question almost sounds defensive, but Miku is undeterred.

“Because then I get to wear the pink dress like Niko-chan.”

“I think it’s time to change preschools,” Tobio mutters and Shouyou half snorts.

“Why?” Miku’s new favorite word.

_Why, indeed. The daughter of two national team volleyball players wanting to do dance. I wonder._

But to his credit, Tobio knows he can’t tell her that and expect her to understand, and he tries a different approach.

“Nevermind. You know, if you do dance, you have to wear shoes. And no dancer has ‘frogs’.”

Shouyou blinks, impressed at his recovery— and mentally cheers at his attempt to stem that ridiculous fart euphemism. _Take that Bokuto._

“They don’t?”

“No, dancers have to be pretty, and frogs aren’t pretty. No frogs.”

“So if I wear shoes and don’t have frogs, I can dance?”

“I guess…” Tobio hedges witheringly, “but not here.”

“Can we play tag, instead?”

“Etto…”

Shouyou can hear the hesitation in his voice and he bites his lip to keep from grinning outright. Playing tag would be only marginally better than popping a volleyball around, but it clearly appeals to Tobio over dancing in any case.

“How about we find the Jizo statue? Once we find it, I’ll race you back to the gift shop.”

“Okay!”

They wander off and Shouyou muses on how good Tobio is at curbing her energetic impulses under the guise of a game, because they both know the Jizo statue is literally at the main entrance of the cemetery not five hundred feet from the gift shop. Miku continues to chatter at him about dance as they meander around in their hunt for the Jizo statue, and Shouyou smiles slightly up at the clouds above him.

_She can be a handful, Natsu, I hope you know. She can get stubborn and petulant sometimes, but she’s still easy to please, generally agreeable, and she’s still a great kid. I’m lucky I have Tobio to help; he’s been there since the beginning. Before that even. I wish… I’ll always wish you’d had the same._

It’s still something he laments.

When she’d first told him she was pregnant, he’d been taken aback— after all, she wasn’t married and she was in the middle of her freshman year of college in Tokyo. That phone call had been the last one he’d honestly expected from her.

“That’s— are you sure, Natsu,” he’d asked her, completely blindsided.

“Yeah. I’m due this winter.”

He’d been so wrapped up with the national team and Tobio, he hadn’t even realized she’d been close enough with someone to… well, wind up pregnant.

“Oh. And… um, who’s the—”

“No one.”

“Eh? Um, that’s not how that works, you know. I don’t think I have to explain how babies—”

“He went back home, Shouyou.”

He’d blinked at the bitter undertone, his thoughts clicking into place with the crucial memory of a conversation he’d had with her a few months before.

“Oh, Natsu. You don’t mean… the gaijin you were all crazy about last fall…”

“It doesn’t matter, Sho. I’m not telling him in any case.”

“That’s not a good idea. He should know he’s going to have a kid.”

“He doesn’t need to know.”

“It’s half his, he might really care about this—”

“ _No_ ,” the refusal was swift and heavy, a final word on the issue, “I was the distraction, Shouyou. He doesn’t deserve to be in my child’s life.”

Silence, because he hadn’t known what to say as he processed that. For an instant his heart had split, one half of it breaking for the painful resentment in her voice that reached him through his phone, the other filled with rage on her behalf. How dare some foreigner treat her like some casual encounter when she was so clearly caught up in them.

But he’d heard her waiting for him, waiting for his reaction, and he could never have left her to face this alone. And yet, the most he’d been able to offer was a stumbling effort.

“Ah, ok Natsu, gomen. I didn’t realize. Ano… I’m sure this is rough for you. They— have ways to take care of it if you… I can take you if you don’t want Okaa-san to know.”

“I want to keep it.”

He’d blinked in surprise and a little bit of relief. He’d have supported her if she’d have opted for an abortion, but he’d have still felt awful taking her to a clinic for it. Still, this was…

“Are you sure? Won’t it be a constant reminder? I mean, I'm here if you ever need anything, but it might be really hard.”

“Yeah, it’ll be hard, but it’ll work out. The baby’s worth it.”

He can remember even now how deep her conviction had been, even through the earpiece of his phone, a voice that had uncompromisingly projected that storied ‘mom’ mentality: _I’m not letting go. It’s mine and I’ll be a corpse before I let someone harm it._

Something nudges his foot and his eyes drift open; he'd never realized he'd closed them. He blinks up at two figures, the one crowding into his personal space sporting lively mocha eyes and a shock of blond hair amongst stark black.

“Ah. Noya-san. Asahi-san. What are you guys doing here,” he asks genially, a small smile on his face. Noya grins and extends a hand for him.

“We were in the area and thought we’d drop by.” Shouyou’s mouth quirks wryly as Noya pulls him to his feet.

_To a cemetery? That’s a bizarre destination to get an itch for._

But them being here isn’t that strange really. Their second year, Natsu’d joined the Karasuno team as a manager alongside Yachi despite still being in grade school. The team had loved her, and with how both her and Yachi could be Hinata-level excitable, they almost had their own cheerleading squad at matches. She’d stuck with the team as she moved into high school, watching it cycle through new rosters every year, and even weathering a coaching transition when Tanaka had taken up a post-graduation assistantship under Ukai.

She’d stayed the Karasuno manager until she’d graduated— more than five years in total. Natsu’d touched so many lives, and her funeral had hosted enough people that their home hadn’t been able to hold them all.

Even so, Noya and Asahi’s presence just now is maybe too convenient. A quick scan reveals Tobio headed back their way from the gift shop, Miku caught up in his arms as she holds a lit bundle of incense. Tobio meets his gaze for a moment— a flash of blue far too deep for how brief it is— before pointedly looking at Miku with a murmur he can’t make out, probably emphasis to be careful of the hot ends of the osenko.

Shouyou doesn't know many people more blunt than Tobio; he doesn’t back down, so the subtle dodge is all Shouyou needs to confirm his role in their appearance.

Tobio is surprisingly attentive, but he’s aware he’s not the best at connecting emotionally. Because of that, he’s not above calling in reinforcements better suited to the job when he can see Shouyou struggling.

“Hey, Hinata-san. We wondered if you might be here,” Asahi says, recalling his attention as Noya drags him into a hug that’s closer to a stranglehold.

“Ah. Yeah. Had to come say hi first,” he says easily as he draws back, "Long time, no see, guys. Been doing alright?”

“Heh, we’re good— and you guys? Don’t see your face every day anymore,” Noya says.

“That’s your fault, I’m not the one who retired last year,” Shouyou banters.

“I already had a year on you when you joined, you brat.”

“It's good to see you, Hinata-san,” Asahi translates, and Shouyou grins.

“Same, it's been a while.”

“Well, _you_ still look the same. Where's the minion,” Noya asks. Shouyou nods toward Tobio who’s since closed the distance to them.

“I think you passed them in the gift shop on the way in. We forgot to bring incense,” he supplies.

“Kageyama-san,” Asahi greets, and Tobio nods.

“Hey, Kageyama. Whoa, she’s bigger than last time I saw her, and it’s only been a few months. You grow like a weed, huh?” Noya grins and Miku smiles shyly.

Shouyou automatically reaches for the burning incense; things tend to get chaotic when certain former teammates clamor around Miku, and the last thing they need is a burned six year old. She surrenders it and leans her head on Tobio’s shoulder, her large eyes following Noya.

“Not even a hello? Don’t you remember us, Munchkin?” Noya pouts, and she grins and turns her face into Tobio’s jacket. This is also something that just started recently.

 _Dance is going to be a bust if that shyness doesn’t correct itself,_ he muses idly.

“She does,” Tobio says with disapproval, “Miku, say hello properly.”

“You wouldn’t want to hurt Noya-san and Asahi-san’s feelings,” Shouyou chimes in, “not after they taught you how to skip rocks last summer.”

Empathy has been one of the biggest challenges regarding raising a child so far; getting a five-year-old to stop and consider another’s feelings is nearly as difficult as getting a three-year-old to share, but Miku’s doing better if someone reminds her. It shows when she peeks up at them a little sheepishly.

“Ohayo Noya-san, Asahi-san.” Noya grins and crowds in on her.

“Ohayo Miku-chan!”

Noya’s boisterous greeting is only accented by the lively crackle in his eyes. He holds his hands out toward her in the universal gesture of ‘asking’ to take her from Tobio.

“How bout this? If I can get a hug, I’ll tell you a secret.”

She looks at him more squarely while Asahi glances at him sharply, his mouth worrying into a frown.

“Noya…”

It’s probably Asahi’s fretful almost-warning that sells it for her. Miku’s like him; she’s good at grasping social cues. She’ll bite, he knows, because he would, too.

_Asahi might not know it, but he just cemented her interest. Something she isn’t supposed to know? Something that makes Asahi uncertain? Now she won’t leave you alone._

“...okay,” she says, releasing her hold on Tobio and reaching for Noya with rapt focus. Tobio surrenders her with only a small scowl as Noya happily plucks her from his grasp.

“Wow, you got so big,” he says again as he squeezes her. He settles her on his hip and taps her nose with a cheeky grin, and Shouyou feels a stab of apprehension.

“You know, you sure don’t look too excited for being a birthday girl,” Noya says, and Shouyou has a moment to mentally freefall.

“I had a birthday a couple days ago,” Miku answers, her brow furrowing in confusion, but her eyes remain intently focused on Noya.

“Ah, Noya—” Shouyou tries, but the other man rebelliously forges straight ahead.

“Yeah, but your party’s today,” he says, that damnable grin turning more devious by the moment. “Don’t tell me nobody told you about your birthday party? Tou-chan didn’t tell you? Not even Tou-san?”

“Noya, you’re a shit,” Tobio growls and Shouyou doesn’t have the heart to chastise him as Miku looks between them all with huge eyes. Noya tosses him a taunting glance.

“As your senpai— mind your mouth, there are little ears. Although, it’s impressive you guys managed to keep it under wraps. You guys suck at keeping secrets.”

“We weren’t keeping them from each other, though; it was supposed to be a surprise for her,” Shouyou sulks, because Noya’s not wrong. Asahi has the decency to look at least a little contrite on Noya’s behalf for ruining it. He straightens with the lightest clearing of his throat, and Shouyou can tell he’s looking to change the subject.

“I don’t think Tsukishima-san will make it this time, but Yamaguchi-san and Hitoka-chan will be here, of course. Oh, and Suga-san and Daichi-san will be here later, too.” Shouyou’s eyebrows rise.

“Whoa, really? Daichi-san and Suga-san, too?” It’s not very often they get this many of their old Karasuno team back together. Asahi nods.

“Tanaka-san was already here early this morning before he had to work, but he’ll be heading over once he’s done with his shift at two.”

_Ah. That’s who brought the incense and flowers before us._

Her passing had been tough for the whole team, but Ryuu especially had taken it hard. Tanaka’d _thought_ the torch he’d carried for Shouyou’s sister was some secret, but the only one he might’ve fooled would have been Natsu, herself— and Shouyou’s not so sure she was. She’d made a comment here and there that made Shouyou think she’d maybe been waiting for him to make a move for forever. She’d graduated and went to college before that ever happened, though.

“You gonna need more time? We can entertain her for a bit if you do,” Noya says but Shouyou shakes his head.

“I’m good for now. I might come back later tonight for a bit, but we can head over if there are already people waiting for us,” he says and Noya nods.

“Good, then let’s say a prayer and get the birthday girl to Obaa-san’s for her party,” he says poking Miku’s belly and grinning when she squirms. “If you ask nice, you might get Asahi-san to give you one of his famous shoulder rides.”

“Ok.”

Noya sets her down and they all face his family’s stone. Shouyou hands each of them one of the osenko incense sticks and then gives Miku the last few. It’s the first year they’ve included her in this part of visiting Natsu’s grave, and Tobio squats down beside her and draws her forward.

“You put it here and say a prayer,” he says, placing his osenko into the incense holder, and putting his hands together and bowing his head.

“Otou-san? What do I pray for?”

Tobio looks at her, a small frown tugging at his mouth, his eyes narrowing gently. He pulls her in between his arms and holds her for a moment, his chin dropping on her shoulder.

“She’s your mother. It doesn’t have to be a prayer. You can tell her anything.”

Abruptly, Shouyou chokes up, his eyes watering, because that’s what _he_ does. Tobio grasps her hand with the incense and guides it toward the holder.

“When I pray, I pray she’s happy, and I ask her to watch over you and Tou-chan, but you can tell her whatever you want. You can ask for her blessing, or you can tell her how you figured out how to pass a volleyball since last year, or how Tou-chan’s breakfasts could use variety.”

Shouyou snorts damply, his eyes blurring, and he bites his lip. Noya slides an arm around his shoulders as the tears finally break despite the wry smile tipping his mouth, and he swallows a sob.

“She’s your mother,” Tobio says again as she drops her osenko in beside his, and he brings his hands together around hers in prayer once more. “Whatever you want to tell her, she’ll be happy to listen.”

Shouyou can’t help it; his eyes burn and overflow. He really does miss his sister.

He scrubs his face, rubbing away the wetness there as Asahi follows suit. Noya squeezes his shoulder once and does the same. He takes a deep breath and places his own osenko in the holder, the wispy smoke from the lit end curling with the movement. Offering a quick prayer that her spirit may continue to guide them as parents, Shouyou mentally flatlines his thoughts so that by the time he turns back to the others, he’s composed and the sorrow is manageable once more.

Tobio catches his eye and he realizes he’s double checking if Shouyou’s alright. Shouyou offers him a small smile, and Tobio presses a gossamer kiss to Miku’s temple, satisfied. He releases her from where he’d trapped her between his arms with her hands still in his, and she looks up as he straightens.

“Right. Ready to go then?” He asks her and she nods and looks around until she locks onto Asahi. She ambles over in front of him and lifts her hands over her head.

“Up? Please?”

Shouyou smiles in earnest at the way she remembers to be polite— even if it is an afterthought to the initial request. Someday, it will become standard and she won’t need to remember it.

“Miku, you don’t need a shoulder ride,” Tobio says and Noya turns on him when her expression drops a bit.

“Aw, come on, Tou-san, the world always looks better from up high, and Asahi’s taller than you are.”

“Ah, is that what it is? Must suck to see it from your perspective then, huh?”

Shouyou grins when Noya jolts indignantly and Asahi snorts through his nose.

He’d spent years around first Tsukishima, and then Kuroo and Oikawa. Being exposed to such savage sarcasm that long inevitably breeds enough experience to occasionally wield it himself. But Noya recovers with an enthusiastic rally.

“That’s why Asahi’s mine. I can have a ride anytime I want.” Shouyou’s jaw drops as Asahi’s face colors.

“Noya-san, Miku’s right here,” Tobio growls.

“Ah, it’s fine, she’s got a few years yet.”

“She’s actually super perceptive,” Shouyou says mournfully and Noya laughs.

As Asahi reaches down and picks her up above his head to settle her on his shoulders, Shouyou reaches a horrifying conclusion. It’s not a question that he wants his old teammates to indisputably be part of her life, but he’s positive that Miku’s going to learn way too much way too early.

“This feels like a train wreck. Like we accidently left her with Oikawa for a month, or something. I feel like we made a mistake, somewhere,” Tobio mumbles at his shoulder and Shouyou smiles wryly.

“Well, _that_ would probably have been going to Karsuno. But then, you and I wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t.”

Tobio shoves his hands in his pockets, a scowl creasing his brow.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says, and starts after Noya and Asahi as they tote their daughter toward the entrance.

Shouyou stares after him for half a moment, the statement a clear preference for the current state of the world. He has to agree. On impulse, he reaches out and slides his hand around Tobio’s bicep, his fingers nestling perfectly into the bend at his elbow. Tobio glances at him, blue eyes searching his face.

“What are you thinking?”

It’s not a demand for an explanation of his familiar action, but an honest question; Tobio wants to know what’s on his mind. He shrugs just a bit, slightly embarrassed.

“Eh, just that I’m pretty lucky. I have both you and Miku. And everyone else.” Tobio’s blue gaze softens just a touch at the edges, but his brow furrows back into a scowl.

“Tch. Dumbass.”

The age old curse comes out almost fond and quiet enough that only he’ll hear. Tobio looks away, and pulls the arm Shouyou holds closer.

“We’re both lucky.”

Shouyou blinks, a shy smile pulling at his mouth as they leave the cemetery. He has the urge to throw himself on Tobio and attempt to strangle him with a hug, but suppresses it out of habit.

Their relationship isn’t exactly a secret, but they tend to maintain a professional ‘working partnership’ appearance in the public eye to suppress unwanted attention. Being something of high profile people since they’re on the national team, PDA’s aren’t something they really do simply to avoid the press; not everyone would approve of their relationship, and they’d both agreed that it would be best if Miku was spared such scrutiny if possible.

But… they aren’t at practice or a high stakes game. They aren’t even in Tokyo. Rather, they’re in their hometown where everyone pretty much knows about them, and there are no paparazzi to harass them in any case. Maybe here, it’s…

He leans into Tobio and watches Miku squirm and giggle from her place on Asahi’s shoulders as Noya grabs playfully at her legs and feet. A flood of warmth fills his chest when Tobio leans back just a bit. He has the two people he loves most, and he can’t be upset.

_‘She’s worth it.’_

Natsu’s words from the day he found out Miku was the future echo in his head. She’s been the reason for fear, frustration, and worry, but she’s also brought joy, happiness, and an inexplicable fulfilment. She’s had a huge impact on he and Tobio’s relationship; it’s stronger than it’s ever been.

He’ll forever miss Natsu with an unfathomable intensity, but he’d never wish it had been Miku instead, because Miku had been her dream. One huge learning experience with more hurdles than he could have possibly imagined and probably too many to count yet to come, the living manifest of her last wish. Natsu would have been a great mother, he’s positive, but since she can’t be here, he hopes he and Tobio are doing well enough in her place.

He drops his head against Tobio’s shoulder.

_You were right, Natsu, Miku encompasses the biggest challenge Tobio and I’ve ever faced… but she’s totally worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head after reading through the prompts for Kagehina week that Esselle posted on Tumblr- it's none of them specifically, but the idea lit up on the spot, so special thanks for the inspiration Esselle! I was far too late to do it for Kagehina week, but I could make the 10/9 deadline. Been over a year since I concluded my Leveler series, it's good to be back :)  
> Have a stellar evening! Nyx <3


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